I have always loved sunsets. I love how fast the sun goes down and how slow the colors melt into each other over time. I love how the beauty doesn't end when the sun goes to sleep, but it continues even after when the moon rises and the stars shine bright.
Just like the colors melt into each other after the sunset, this year feels like a whole lot of melting. I wish this year had a whole lot of beautiful things happen, I wish that we weren't in a pandemic. I wish that I finally arrived in the areas I am still growing in and I wish that for a moment I could stop striving in chasing the next sunset, but rather enjoy all that the Lord has for me right now, whether it be full of beatuiful moments or sad moments. It's been tough, there have been many feelings in this year so far. Feelings of hope and wonder, of sadness and lonliness all mixed up. It's been 4 months since my Nana passed away. Her house is sold, I can no longer stop by just for a moment and I can no longer just text her that I love her. I can't think about it too much cause it is still someting that I know will take time to heal from. Grieving is no fun at all, its not like getting sick and there be a certain time frame of when you will get better, grieving is a process. And I know that the whole world is in a state of grieveing. I am learning so much in this time of really allowing myself to feel, I am learning to validate my thoughts and feelings and to dive into them even when it hurts. Feelings equal vulnerability which I tend to hide. Sometimes I'd rather just rip the bandaid off and deal with the ugly reality right away than to dwell on what should have been. Although I have lost a beloved, influential, beautiful and sweet Nana, I have not lost the hope of seeing her again.
From the beginning of this year I have felt like over and over I have been chasing sunsets; seeking a new sky, a new hope, a new dream, a new sense of comfort. Even though some could say this year is a loss and how could be there be any beauty from all this pain, suffereing and devastation, how can we recover. I wonder, did we enter into the devastion just this year or have we been living in it blindly and now light is shinning through on what is really important. Can I ask, how many of us have spent more time this year with our families, how many of us have spent more time praying and seeking Jesus in this storm, how many of us knew there was peace if we kept our eyes on Jesus, how many of us sought new sky but really gained a new hope in Jesus, a new dream for the future, a new sense of comfort in the CREATOR of the universe. I have. And if you haven't seen any good out of this year, I challenge you to think about where you were in your walk with the Lord back in January and where are you now? I heard just a few minutes of a sermon on the radio and the Pastor shared that we should always be changing. Changing equals growth, we should never be stagnet in our desire to know God more. I know perfection will not be reached till heaven, I know that I am lost without my Savior and I know that the only one who can save me from sinking is Jesus. But is that my outlook, do I have the outlook of the greater, the exeedingly abundantly and more than we could ask or think kind of view of God...not always.
"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing" John 15:15
There is nothing that I can strive more in hopes of it being the best without abiding in Him. This year thus far has been hard, it has taught me about time and how valuable it is. I have learned greater things about how vast His love for us is and the depths in which He shows it. The Lord knows our sorrows.
"In my distress I cried to the LORD, and He heard me." Psalm 120:1
I'd like to encourage you to seek Jesus. Seek Him with your whole heart. Place your hopes and dreams in the one who fulfills. Read His words that not only bring comfort but that breathe life into your souls. I have failed time after time in misplacing my hope. I have doubted many times in thinking will those dreams come true. Not once has my God failed in that area, not once has His scripture failed to bring me comfort, peace, guidance and hope. Hope is not in what I can achieve or what man can do for me, the hope we have available reaches beyond that.
Thanks for reading!
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