It's been awhile since I have shared my thoughts and I miss it. Here we are in October of 2024 and I am almost in a dream state with just how much change has occurred and how many dreams have come true. I am married, I have a beautiful daughter and a sweet life, it's more than I could have asked for and I am forever grateful and in constant gratitude to the Lord for these precious gifts. In the year of 2022, after loosing my stepdad, I really thought that no good would ever take place. I would never know love and I would never know joy again. The grief overtook me and it was getting harder and harder to see anything other than tears each month on the 9th, and any memory of him brought instant "why's" that I knew would never be answered...maybe in heaven but maybe not ever. The thoughts of being a single 34 year old, making just enough money to pay rent and pay off my growing debt while living at home came to be more of my future than just a season that I would grow out of. The longing for more, the longing for JOY in the midst of my sorrow was seeming to be only a dream rather than a hopeful reality. Until...I began to surrender for the thousandth time and once again, place my trust in the Lord. By the end of 2022, the light at the end of the tunnel didn't seem so far away and I could hope again for all the things that I had asked the Lord for years and years. Just a reminder...I've never been in relationship, never been kissed...I held onto a promise I made to the Lord that I would seek the very best and wait for the very best to seek me. There was no way after 34 years of waiting that I would easily give up something I valued so much and that was living out a pure life. It was not easy, but I knew my worth and I prayed that whoever wanted to get to know me, knew my worth as well. And here is where Travis Wayne Williams enters the scene. He is a handsome, genuine, kind, respectful Texan who put's the Lord first in all that he does. It was only a few weeks of dating till we became boyfriend and girlfriend and less than 6 months of dating till we got engaged, and a short 45 days till we said the forever "I do" at the alter. Each moment with him was filled with peace and joy. Each step we took towards the future was met with a clear path that became ever so evident that God was really in it. He was blessing every step. 

    Looking back in past seasons, I remember hearing the Lord say, "a train is coming and you better be ready for it"...the train isn't going to slow down..God is moving fast and I need to be ready to jump on, full trust. So how do we get ready for the train when we don't know when it's coming...? for one, we need to be listening for that whistle. Are we in tune with what His voice sounds like, how He speaks to you. And then taking action with what He shows you. If the Lord says wait, then wait. If you don't feel peace about something then find out why. Are you making space for His plans or hoping He doesn't get in the way of yours. I do know that when you do things His way....they WILL be blessed. Each time I went on a date, each time I chatted with a guy from the online apps I was constantly checking in with the Lord...God is this good, is there something I need to be aware of, is this guy a true Christian or is it a mask. Remember, I was NOT going to give in and give up the promise I made to the Lord. The more I invited God to be the one leading me to the right person, the more I was at peace that something didn't work out for the thousandth time. The resounding words, DO NOT COMPROMISE kept ringing in my ears. That means that if God says don't have sex outside of marriage, don't. That means that if you are a bible believing Christian, you should not be living with your bf/gf. That means that IF you are a Christian, you should not be doing things that contradict your belief in the Creator of the universe. We cannot be "wish washy" Christians. I will not be a "wish washy" Christian, the burden is too much to bear, the burden of living a life that is not in line of His good plan. This is LOVE, love that laid down His life for you on that cross that we can TRUST that He does have good for us. IF we compromise, do we get to be apart of that good?I think it won't be as sweet or rich, or fruit bearing. As Christ followers, we are to be bearing fruit...that means growing. Especially in this world we live in now, we don't have time to play games with what it means to follow Christ, the train is coming, are you ready to get on? 

    There will always be things we compromise on because we are human, but what is the cost of that compromise? What burden will we carry with the decisions we make. Are you strong enough in your view of God that IF you never get the things your heart longs for that God is still good? That is something I had to surrender. God you are still good even if I never get married, even if I never have kids, even if I have failed you over and over again. Because His good is not based off my belief, it is based off His faithfulness. Was He faithful to the army of people crossing the Red Sea, was He faithful to Abraham and Sarah with gifting them children, was He faithful in the bible? yes, yes He was. 

I encourage you to surrender. Surrender your heart back to the Lord. Surrender it all, the hopes and dreams and seek what HE has for you. When our dreams and desires align with His, there will be peace and clarity and hope. And WHEN that train comes and you hear that whistle, you better be ready to jump on because He has an abundance of amazing things for you!